At work, I am a Dr Jekyll, professional driver. Earnest and scrupulous adherent to road rules, regulations and good driving practice. Moving people around town smoothly, safely and in a timely manner.
Outside of work, I have recently acquired a bicycle. This liberates my inner Mr Hyde and, as I have observed, the inner Hydes of most other bicyclists.
Road rules and regulations? We bicyclists fart in their general direction. We are liberated and can go wherever and however we want on our bikes. After all, we’re saving the planet. We’re not into sharing the road, because it’s ours and we have an entitlement to express our personal liberty by doing whatever we want.
It’s all enough to make one’s head swim. That’s why we wear helmets. It’s to contain our brains when they explode from unbridled freedom.
At this stage I have yet to delve into Buses Only lanes. But I am picking that that is merely a matter of time, once I have achieved Level 4 or 5 on the Cyclist Entitlement Scale (CES).
Presently I am coming to terms with the requirements of CES Level 1, as I still have a bad habit of turning my head to check what traffic is coming from behind. I suspect once I have mastered not doing that, I can then progress to CES Level 2. This will allow me to run red lights and pedestrian crossing signals.
Achieving CES Level 3, I am allowed to become a MAMIL (Middle-Aged Man In Lycra). At that time I shall see if Muffin Break are interested in sponsorship, as cycling lycra must be festooned with related logos. At CES Level 3 I will also be allowed to ride on city footpaths.
CES Level 4 will unlock the ability to ride in a traffic lane of vehicles going the opposite direction, including one-way streets. And so it goes.
Wax on, wax off. This cycling grasshopper still has much to learn.