One day on a university field trip, I learned that kinks involved more than a rock band led by Ray and Dave Davies. A lot more.
An Innocent Country Boy™ from Eltham, I was enrolled as an agricultural science student at Massey University and our field trip was to the Livestock Improvement Corporation’s artificial breeding centre at Awahuri, about half way between Palmerston North and Sanson.
In this context, “artificial breeding centre” was code for what the less gentile may refer to as a semen factory. New Zealand’s dairy industry, like other intensive dairying businesses around the world, doesn’t rely on Ferdinand and Daisy falling desperately in love and producing baby Ferdys or Daisys in some quaint old-fashioned way. Oh no. There are several good reasons for this.
One of those reasons is that dairying in New Zealand is largely seasonal. Daisy has to produce a calf at the same time every year in order to achieve maximum credit as a reliable producer of milk. Failure to do so will involve her being ground up and served as hamburger in the United States of America. Dairy farmers have hundreds and thousands of Daisys, several dozen of which would need to flirt with Ferdy on the same day. After a couple of days of such demands, Ferdy would be looking for respite in a Bull Cave stocked with the bovine equivalent of model motorcycles, Sky Sport and beer, any romantic intentions long cooled by the industrial demands on his masculinity.
So for most of the past half century, nearly all of New Zealand’s dairy cows have become pregnant through the strategic combination of a strong human arm and a long pipette. The pipette contains semen from a dutifully harvested bull at a centre like Awahuri was back in the day.
For those of you who are still with me, this is where the kink starts.
Awahuri was basically a boys-only dormitory for the elite of dairy bulls – sons of outstandingly great mums and dads, selected for their genetic superiority. Each lived in their own paddock. When it was their turn to go to work, they were led away to a place of extraction where skilled technicians armed with artificial vaginas would initiate foreplay. Once he was suitably aroused, Ferdy’s erection would be guided into said device where his contribution would be captured.
Each bull had their own preferences for the ensuing performance. In some cases this involved a tethered heifer. Sometimes it involved a heifer being led around inside the same pen as Ferdie. Sometimes indoors, sometimes outdoors. Occasionally the heifer was tethered on a low trailer, which was towed around the pen. Not all bulls are into heifers, so these options were repeated using a tethered bull or steer. Sometimes an inanimate device like a pipe frame covered in hide (or fleece) was the performer’s preference. Then there were the variabilities in the artificial vagina itself – a fibreglass tube with a rubber liner (smooth, ribbed or rough) containing heated water (body temperature, hot or hotter) in the space between the external tube and its inner rubber sleeve.
No, I’m not making this up http://bit.ly/1ux7nRg.
Ferdy’s real name was probably something like Athol Famous Prefect. Mr Prefect was one of the most utilised dairy sires of the 1980s, responsible for more than 750,000 inseminations around the globe before his retirement in 1990. Straws of his frozen semen are still available to discerning purchasers.
A memorable and informative field trip was duly completed and an Innocent Country Boy™ was relieved to think that such kinky behaviour was entirely limited to cattle.
An Innocent Country Boy™ from Eltham, I was enrolled as an agricultural science student at Massey University and our field trip was to the Livestock Improvement Corporation’s artificial breeding centre at Awahuri, about half way between Palmerston North and Sanson.
In this context, “artificial breeding centre” was code for what the less gentile may refer to as a semen factory. New Zealand’s dairy industry, like other intensive dairying businesses around the world, doesn’t rely on Ferdinand and Daisy falling desperately in love and producing baby Ferdys or Daisys in some quaint old-fashioned way. Oh no. There are several good reasons for this.
One of those reasons is that dairying in New Zealand is largely seasonal. Daisy has to produce a calf at the same time every year in order to achieve maximum credit as a reliable producer of milk. Failure to do so will involve her being ground up and served as hamburger in the United States of America. Dairy farmers have hundreds and thousands of Daisys, several dozen of which would need to flirt with Ferdy on the same day. After a couple of days of such demands, Ferdy would be looking for respite in a Bull Cave stocked with the bovine equivalent of model motorcycles, Sky Sport and beer, any romantic intentions long cooled by the industrial demands on his masculinity.
So for most of the past half century, nearly all of New Zealand’s dairy cows have become pregnant through the strategic combination of a strong human arm and a long pipette. The pipette contains semen from a dutifully harvested bull at a centre like Awahuri was back in the day.
For those of you who are still with me, this is where the kink starts.
Awahuri was basically a boys-only dormitory for the elite of dairy bulls – sons of outstandingly great mums and dads, selected for their genetic superiority. Each lived in their own paddock. When it was their turn to go to work, they were led away to a place of extraction where skilled technicians armed with artificial vaginas would initiate foreplay. Once he was suitably aroused, Ferdy’s erection would be guided into said device where his contribution would be captured.
Each bull had their own preferences for the ensuing performance. In some cases this involved a tethered heifer. Sometimes it involved a heifer being led around inside the same pen as Ferdie. Sometimes indoors, sometimes outdoors. Occasionally the heifer was tethered on a low trailer, which was towed around the pen. Not all bulls are into heifers, so these options were repeated using a tethered bull or steer. Sometimes an inanimate device like a pipe frame covered in hide (or fleece) was the performer’s preference. Then there were the variabilities in the artificial vagina itself – a fibreglass tube with a rubber liner (smooth, ribbed or rough) containing heated water (body temperature, hot or hotter) in the space between the external tube and its inner rubber sleeve.
No, I’m not making this up http://bit.ly/1ux7nRg.
Ferdy’s real name was probably something like Athol Famous Prefect. Mr Prefect was one of the most utilised dairy sires of the 1980s, responsible for more than 750,000 inseminations around the globe before his retirement in 1990. Straws of his frozen semen are still available to discerning purchasers.
A memorable and informative field trip was duly completed and an Innocent Country Boy™ was relieved to think that such kinky behaviour was entirely limited to cattle.
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