But the New Zealand exsint is a shocker. Seriously. I was reminded of this earlier today while out and about listening to the car radio. Flat vowels and dark Ls abounded, as somebody who called herself “Mushow” revealed. I suspect her name is written as “Michelle” but I may be wrong. Mushow said she works in the “howth” sector. I suspect as a therapist of some sort.
While mutilated diction is par for the course for most of us, one expects a higher standard from news-readers and other “professional” voices. Alas, no. I cringe every time I hear a breathless newsreader’s account of somebody being “ear lifted” out of harm’s way, or items about “womman’s issues”, rather than “wimmin’s”. Is the “shearmarket” a legacy of our agricultural past?
While heinous crimes against spoken English are permissible from professional voices, similar crimes against New Zealand’s other official spoken language are not. Great care, precision and even exactitude are aimed at words like Taupo, Taranaki and Kaikoura. The Bayer Plenny, Gisbin and Straffid aren’t so fortunate. Perhaps one should craft a letter of complaint to Nyo Zullin On Ear.
And so it goes. Perhaps one day Mr Microsoft will have an app that places red squiggly lines under questionable words used in spoken language. That would certainly be an effective way of highlighting much of what falls out of my Kiwi mouth.
Many years ago I read a book entitled “New Zild and how to speak it (A Kiwi’s answer to Strine)”. The author’s name was “Arch Acker”, presumably a nom de plume. I wish I’d kept a copy. I can still remember some classic lines that caused me much mirth, such as “Annie’s gorgeous under the posts!” and “Air sick horse”.
Success comes in many forms. As Kim of Kath and Kim fame once said: “I always dreamed of being effluent and now I am!”
Thankfully tonight is Friday. It’s fush and chups night.